When To End A Friendship

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As an Aries, I truly value friendships. I am the type of person who would rather have five incredible friends who I trust with my whole heart rather than a group of 15 friends who aren’t always there for me. I’ve always been that way. I am mindful of the people who I consider friends or best friends.

Over the last two years, I ended some friendships over very different circumstances. One friend was toxic, another friend wasn’t really a friend at all. I’ve had different experiences with ending friendships, and it turns out that my life was better without them. So, I want to share some information on when you should end a friendship.

If you have a friend that possesses one or more of these traits , you might want to reevaluate your relationship with that person, and consider ending your friendship. Here’s what you should look out for.

The one-sided friendship:

This friendship is draining because you’re always the one to make plans, you’re always calling her to check in and see how everything is going. Essentially, you’re the ringleader to ensure that the friendships stays alive. Unfortunately, if someone wants you in their life, they’re going to make an effort to have you in their life. If they don’t make the effort, they don’t care. It’s as simple as that. If your friendship is all weighted on your end, you might want to considering ending this friendship.

The one who lies:

Nothing bothers me more than a person who lies. I would rather have someone “hurt my feelings” by being honest rather than do something behind my back. The only reason a friend should be lying to you is because she’s part of a huge surprise for your birthday/wedding/visit etc. If she lies outside of those reasons, you should definitely end that friendship.

The one who is toxic:

“Letting toxic people go isn’t an act of cruelty, it’s an act of self-care.” I’ve sadly had to end friendships simply because their toxic actions became an overwhelming part of my life. I would be worried about being there for them that I wasn’t there for myself. That is not a healthy friend to have in your life. You should never feel guilty for wanting to end a friendship with someone who is toxic. It proves that you’re looking out for yourself and your well-being.

The one who causes problems:

If a friend causes problems, you might want to consider ending your friendship. There is one girl out there looking for trouble. She likes to stir the pot. She always looking to cause drama between other friends, talk about her friends behind their backs, lie, etc. Essentially, this is someone who you should never call a friend to begin with because they don’t know how to be a friend.

The one who only cares about herself:

You drop everything you’re doing to go pick her up at a guy’s house where she spent the night last night. You drive her downtown to get her car from a night of drinking. You plan a special birthday for her…but she forgets your birthday. She calls you whenever she needs something, but that’s the extent of it; and she doesn’t do anything for you in return. Please do yourself a favor and end your friendship with this person. You deserve to have friends in your life who are there for you.

I hope this post helped anyone who might be deciding whether of not they should end a friendship. Although ending a friendship can be difficult or complicated, it’s best to remove these people from your life. You deserve to have friends that lift you up, are there for you when you need them, and are positive influences in your life.

Have you ever ended a friendship? How did you know when to end it? What tips can you offer to others? Make sure to share in the comments!

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  • Oh girl I needed this post so much! For the last month or so I’ve been wondering if I should end one of my friendships for several of the reasons you listed above. Your post gives me much to think about. Thank you!

    • I’m so glad it helped you, Kara! I know you might feel tempted to give this person another chance, but it will be better for you in the long run if you end the friendship. You deserve to have good, supportive friends who love you. Don’t settle for anything less! Thanks for sharing your experience on this!

  • sheesh! so many of these are so, so true! I just wrote about this on Mode (I’m a contributor there) and I definitely think all these things play into being a bad friend and when you just know that person doesn’t care about your well being or isn’t putting much into the friendship as you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

    • I’ll have to check out the post you wrote as well, Tianna! It’s rough when you learn someone you considered a friend doesn’t care about your friendship that way you do, but it’s better to end the friendship rather than waiting around hoping for the person to change.

      • I totally agree. It’s definitely something I’ve been struggling with lately. I feel like I’m always the friend that puts more effort in and then others will just kind of selectively hang with me. It makes me think a lot of people are users. On the other hand, it can be exhausting to be someone’s friend who is all about the “taking” instead of a give/take friendship . it’s a tough thing to go through. I hope you’re having some clarity about it. ♥

  • Cassie

    So so so true. But it’s hard to sometimes end things when people have been there for you through some hard times. That being said, sometimes relationships have to end for the same reasons, and that to me is ten times worse.
    Gah. Losing people from your life is never fun.

    • I completely understand where you’re coming from, Cassie! Regardless, it’s never an easy experience to handle without tension or hard feelings leftover. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!

  • These are all too true 🙁 . It hurts so bad when you care about a friend more than they care and you know you need to distance yourself from them. I actually recently have had this happen and darn it , it’s just sad. Friendship is so important and I wish everyone felt that way. Great post
    Danielle Greco | AccordingtoD.com

    • Thank you so much for sharing your recent experience on this, Danielle! I agree that it’s feels bad knowing you need to leave a friendship because it’s just not fun. I value friendship so much, so this is something I hold close to my heart.

  • kp

    It’s so hard to end a friendship, but sometimes it is really needed. A lot of the friends I have I’ve grown up with and some of them I had to take a step back and realize we’re totally different people and just not good friends anymore.

    • Yes! Sometimes, it’s not even a horrible circumstance. Sometimes, you just realize you grew apart and you are both completely different people, which is okay–but difficult nonetheless. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, and I hope things look up for you!

  • This is such a wonderfully written post. It’s hard to end a friendship, but it can be the best sometimes. I’ve been in that place before.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Shanna! I do agree that it can be hard–but it always works out for the best.

  • Alexis artis

    This was a great post. I had to end many friendships, although, I used to feel bad about it there was nothing more to be done. I do not like toxic people in my life and will not tolerate it. I made a post about accepting people’s true colors ( https://themindfulmotivation.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/accepting-ones-true-colors/ ) Kind of talks about ending friendships and any other ‘ship’.

    Alexis | http://www.themindfulmotivation.wordpress.com

    • Thank you so much for leaving the link to your blog post, Alexis! I think it’s so important to remove toxic people from your life simply because it’s harmful for your well-being. I’m so glad you did this, and no longer feel bad about making a choice to better your life!

  • This great! Not many people are bold enough to write about this topic. So happy to see it and you hit great points not only for friendships, but also relationships in general.

    Xoxo Gems

    • Thanks, girl! I really appreciate it! After ending a few close friendships, I felt that it was important to talk about because I don’t want people to feel like they should live their lives with people who truly don’t care about them or their well-being. I learned this from my experience and decided writing about it could help others, too!

  • Thanks for pointing out different types of friendships in your list! I’d love to read more about how you end friendships. I end up just kind of distancing myself and not making an effort of my own anymore… and that’s when I quickly realize when a friend that only cares about themselves only cares about themselves indeed – because I never hear from them.

    • My best advice is to be honest and forward about it. Although this can be incredibly difficult if the person can’t handle confrontation, it is always the best way. All you have to remember is that you don’t have to have a rude conversation. It should be honest, sincere and concise.

      Sometimes distancing yourself can be easier, but you might feel like you left too much unsaid and you’ll regret not being honest about your feelings on where you stand with the person. But, I have also done what you did–and it still ending up working out for the best as well. I hope this helps you out a little bit with ending friendships!

  • Mardene Carr

    Making the decision to end a friendship is never an easy one but if it is necessary for your sanity and safety then it must be done

  • It is such a hard decision to make! I’ve figured out over the years I spend more time slowly making friendships and watching people more to avoid having to end friendships.