How To Stop Beating Yourself Down When Rejection Strikes

Posted in Lifestyle
on January 15, 2018

Hey there, friend! 

This topic has been on my heart a lot recently because I’ve witnessed it first-hand with friends, family, coworkers, and even with myself. I felt compelled to write a blog post about it because I’m hoping to help you if you find yourself struggling in the new year. So if you find yourself struggling with beating yourself down in the midst of rejection, keep reading for a little bit of bliss.

Let me tell you one thing us humans know how to do very well…

Beat. Ourselves. Down. Relentlessly. 

I’m sure you can relate to this regardless of the season of life you may find yourself in. You’re working on a huge project you’ve been putting all your time and energy into only to find out that your corporate doesn’t approve. You’ve been dreaming and working hard because this is something you’re incredibly passionate about pursuing, and everything comes crashing down once you hear that rejection. This, unfortunately, leads to a negative spiral of you questioning your worth, intelligence, and even your skills in your position. You’re left devastated and defeated.

Or, you’re a mom who is juggling work, family, taking care of kids, all while trying to stay afloat with every other commitment—and you find yourself beating yourself down on how you should sleep less, so that you have more time to spend with your family after working 40 hours each week. Guilt settles in, and eventually consumes your entire mind. Now, you’re left thinking your a bad employee, horrible mother and a less-than-perfect wife.

There are a million more examples I could list out, but the point is we have all been there whether it’s related to work, family, a passion project, and everything other situation in between. Even I have a difficult time accepting that I’ve restlessly torn myself apart with criticism and negative words, and it’s NOT  good place to be in. So, why do we allow ourselves to beat ourselves down whenever we face rejection?

Rejection is part of life. Not everything is going to go smoothly, and life is a long journey of peaks and valleys. But, when did it become normal to be so negative toward ourselves to the point where we question our self-worth simply because we are in the midst of rejection? When did it become acceptable to beat ourselves down to the point where we don’t even like who we are in that moment or situation?

I don’t know about you, but that’s not the way I want to live my life, and you shouldn’t want to live your life that way either. 2018 should be a year where we focus on self-care, self-love, and working on the best relationship with ourselves. It we truly aren’t happy with the relationship we have with ourselves, how we expect to have a good relationship with our friends and family? Once we invite more love and kindness when working on ourselves, the better we will be.

Here are some tips to NOT beat yourself down when facing rejection:

1| This too, shall pass

Remember that this moment of rejection will not last forever. It most likely will not matter in the next five years, or maybe it won’t even matter in the next five days. Although it can be difficult to move on when you feel like you messed up, it’s essential for your well being. Don’t let yourself linger in the negative feelings that follow rejection. Allow yourself to feel them for a certain amount of time, so then you can move on feeling good about yourself again. Better yet, USE the rejection as motivation to go back and learn from the rejection, so that you can conquer it next time you face that challenge.

Use your past to make you better, not bitter.

2| Let go of perfectionism

2018 is the year we should let go of perfectionism. Granted, this is ALWAYS easier said than done because perfectionism is a tough disease to fight through. But, not only will this help your mental health in the long run, but it will also help you focus on being kind and compassionate to yourself when you’re in the wake of rejection. Remember that no one is perfect, and you’re not an exception to this fact. The bad thing is that MANY of us struggle with this, so next time you see a loved one getting caught in the perfectionism trap, remind them that they are only human, they are doing the best they can; and they are more than enough.

3| Focus on self-love

Self-love is something we should be committed to working on in 2018 because without it, perfectionism takes over the mind like a wild fire. Then, you’re left soaking in the rejection while your relationship with yourself is deteriorating. Remember all the other times you faced rejection, and you thought that you weren’t going to make it through? Well, you made it. Not only that, you probably grew from the experience and it made you become even more wonderful than you already are.

So, believe in yourself and remember that despite everything you have been though, you are still standing. You are a force to be reckoned with. You will not let rejection destroy your self-esteem because you’re too good for that.

Related: 5 Reasons to Make Self-Love a Priority

The next time you face rejection, remember that it’s okay to feel upset or angry. But don’t let those emotions turn negatively onto yourself. Remember that every human will face rejection and mistakes because it is part of life. That doesn’t make you any less of a human being. If anything, the experiences should humble you being a reminder that YOU ARE human and it’s okay.

When is the last time you faced rejection? Do you find yourself struggling with perfectionism when it comes to your work? How do you handle rejection, or how can you better handle rejection next time it comes your way? I would love to her more about your experiences in the comment below!

Ki Signature

 

 

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  • Dear Kiara,
    I needed to read this yesterday. For a couple of days I was procrastinating and hating myself and bitching about it a lot – now I finally posted that post, and I feel relieved and tuned in again. Probably the best advice ever is that with time things do change. Thank you for stressing on how important it is to overcome perfectionism. People should write more about psychology.

    • I’m so happy to hear this helped you! Yes, perfectionism is very hard to overcome, but it is possible! With a little time and work on it, you can beat perfectionism and start living a more blissful life!

  • LOVE LOVE LOVE the message of this post. I was such a perfectionist when starting my blog that it actually hurt me and slowed me down. I would tell myself that if I had done xyz, I would’ve been a lot farther in my blogging journey. Until now, I still beat myself up because I’m not where I want to be. However, I am trying to improve and not be so hard on myself. One quote that I really love from Passion Planner is that “It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to start.” Anyway, great post! 😀

    -Katrina | http://www.hellayoung.com

    • I love that quote! Thanks so much for sharing it with me because I can honestly relate to it A TON right now! There are some passion projects on my mind, and I really want to get them done…but at the same time, part of me still thinks they need to be done to a certain standard I have. At the end of the day, just starting the process is a huge accomplishment. Thanks for this, Katrina!

  • This post is exactly what I needed today. Yesterday, I got SO down on myself for not living up to my expectations last week and it was just a deep out of control spiral. I realized I needed to give myself grace and forced myself to take a time out before focusing on what I HAD done that made me happy!

    • YES, GIRL! I hear you with getting down on yourself and how it can turn into a very negative spiral for days and days. That’s why I needed to let go of perfectionism. It honestly was hurting me more than it could ever help me. I’m happy to know this helped you through your struggles.

  • Looooove this post so much and your advice is so spot on! I’ve been pretty down on myself lately for a lot of different things and I try to remember that it will pass, things will get better, and whatever I was rejected from just isn’t supposed to be on my path.

    • That’s a huge area I wanted to talk about (essentially what’s meant to be will be) but I’m saving that for an entire post on the topic because I felt like I could write pages on that, haha! I’m sorry to know you’ve been down on yourself recently, but keep your head up and know that you’re doing so wonderful with everything; and you’re only human!

  • Honestly this post came at a great time. I’m constantly beating myself up when something doesn’t go right or when I don’t get something done when I should have.

    • I feel like many of us fall victim to being hard on ourselves. Sometimes, I get angry and ask myself why we do this to ourselves. But, we’re human. We make mistakes. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t meant to be perfect. And THAT’S okay! Sending good thoughts your way, girl!

  • I was listening to the Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast yesterday, and on their most recent episode, they talked about this extensively. One of the hosts suggested writing down the thoughts you have that are self-depreciating or harmful to your mental health. Seeing them written down makes the feel more real and shows how impactful they could be. The other host said that she was once beating herself up to a friend, and her friend said, “Hey! That’s my best friend that you’re talking about!”

    It helps to realize that the things we tell ourselves (or the standards we hold ourselves to) are things we would never say to our friends or family. Gotta be fair to yourself!

    • I LOVE THIS! Wow, I will definitely need to do that next time I decide to be hard on myself for no reason at all. I’m sure it’s much more eye-opening to see the words and comments written down on paper, and I’m sure it would make me think more about being kind to myself. Thanks for that wonderful advice, Emily!

  • Courtney Heathcock

    I love this! Such a great reminder going into the new year!

  • Such a great reminder! I definitely have perfectionist tendencies, but I try to keep things in perspective and focus on polishing the really important aspects of my life and not worrying so much about other things. I usually try to take rejection as a way to evaluate and learn – to become as you say “better, not bitter” 🙂

    • Yes! I do well with big rejection like a project at work, a sponsorship didn’t go through, etc. It’s honestly the little things that I set crazy expectations for. I don’t know why I get like that, but then I remind myself that I’m not perfect and that’s perfectly okay!

  • Tami

    Love this post! This is something that I need to work on.

  • Amanda Schreiber

    Late last year I was feeling pretty down in the dumps about myself. I had quit my job due to stress and a toxic workplace and I thought that I’d have no problem finding a new job, but then I was rejected from a few places that I thought I was the perfect fit for. I got depressed and started doubting my skills. But starting this year fresh and realizing that I am good enough and I need to love myself no matter what people may say was so refreshing. And I just landed the perfect job, an opportunity I thought I wasn’t good enough for last year. So your post rings so true! Thank you 🙂

    • I’m so happy to hear you felt strong about a decision and stuck with it. If you truly weren’t happy, and that environment was toxic—it’s great you left! And I’m happy to hear about your new job! One thing I always say is, “If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.” Clearly those other jobs weren’t plan of the plan, and it’s evident since you are thriving and enjoying this current opportunity.

  • Parul G

    It’s true that we are often too harsh on ourselves and put ourselves under unnecessary pressure which actually leads to nothing. While we take all the care when dealing with people around us, we mostly tend to be unfair when it comes to us. Always need to remember that nothing is constant and there’s always something to be learnt, even from a rejection or failure. Great post!

    Cheers!
    Parul | http://girlinchief.com

    • Thank you so much for your comment! Yes, the more I go through my professional career, the more I’m learning about taking positive lessons from what may be a not-so-great experience. Regardless if they’re good or bad, they are still beneficial to our growth!

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