Don’t Lose Yourself For Love

Posted in Health, Lifestyle
on August 3, 2016

BB8316_Don'tLoseYourselfForLove

You know those friends who you haven’t heard from in months because they have become too involved with someone they’re dating? You know the type. Their Instagram feed solely consists of photos of them and their significant other. They can never hangout because they have plans (again) for a dinner date with that person, etc.

It can be frustrating to have someone in your life who acts that way, which is why I made sure that my relationship with Josh would never turn into that type of relationship.

I never want to lose myself for love. And you shouldn’t want to lose yourself either. I understand that you have to spend time with your significant other, and make sure your relationship is growing, evolving and improving every single day. Here are a things that you should never lose sight of regardless of the person you’re seeing.

1| Time with friends and family

Please don’t stop seeing your friends and family just because you have began dating someone new. If that person truly cares about you, they will always want you to spend time with your friends and family. If you’re scheduling time to spend with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you can schedule time to see your friends and family as well. Family should always comes first, and friends should always remain an important component in your life.

2| Your passions and hobbies

Why would you want to abruptly stop reading, writing, working out, or any other activity you’re passionate about? You would be surprised how many people will stop pursuing their passions because of the person they’re seeing. Never quit something unless it doesn’t make you happy. This is similar to the friends and family scenarioโ€”your partner should want you to pursue your passions because you love them! Focus on what you love and the people you love in your life. Your relationship should fit into the life you already have.

3| Time for yourself

Time for yourself is always important whether you’re in a relationship or not. But it can be easy to become dependent on a person always being around to the point where you don’t know how to be alone, or how to do anything on your own without feeling overwhelmed. Remember, you are a whole person. You’re not a half a person in love with another half of a person. You need to be able to do things alone and be comfortable with that fact.

It’s important to allow your relationship to flourish whether you’ve been together for three months or three years. However, you should never allow your relationship to control how you live your life, or how it affects other areas of your life. Don’t stop living a life you love only because of the person you’re dating. You shouldn’t stop being the person you once were simply because you’re dating someone.

 

Have you ever lost yourself for love, or have had a friend who lost themselves for love? What did you learn from it? Make sure to leave a comment below!

 

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  • Sarah Kuziomko

    Couldn’t agree more. Plus with friends and hobbies outside of each other you are able to bring something new into the relationship.

    • Exactly! That’s such a great way of looking at it, Sarah!

  • I’ve always been so glad that my husband loves my family like crazy and encourages all of my endeavors–he helps me to be my best, which is a really good thing in a relationship!

    • Having a partner who is loving, who allows you to be your best self, and who encourages you to pursue your dreams is a good man to have in your life!

  • ALL OF THIS! Sometimes I think people don’t quite understand me because there are things in my life that I prioritize and it’s not that I don’t prioritize a relationship when I’m in one, but I’m a career (not family) driven person so I will put those other things that are important to me ahead sometimes.

    • Yes! I think people misunderstand my relationship with Josh because we don’t do everything together whatsoever. We have our own lives, and we are complete individuals.

  • I feel like this is something that most of us have done at least once in our lives. But some people never wake up and always lose themselves for love, instead of waking up and going, “oh yeah, it’s ok to love this person AND do what I like”.

    • That’s the exact point I was trying to make! You can be in a loving relationships AND have your own life/do what you love!

  • My bff does this every time she gets a new man and it drives me nuts. I got wrapped up in my current boyfriend for a bit but I’m back to my old self again. I think it always happens with new relationships but you should always make time for the people who there before. Great post ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thank you so much! I know I’ve done this once back in High School (it wasn’t a serious relationship.) But now it’s crazy to think people still do this in their 20s and 30s.

  • This is great advice! Most importantly I think it’s about making sure you always make yourself happy and don’t rely on the happiness of others. I’ve seen a lot of people putting all their source of happiness into another person whether it is a significant other or friend and then when it ends, they feel lost. Love your inspirational posts! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thank you so much, Cara! And I couldn’t agree with you more. You shouldn’t invest your entire happiness into one person. Great reminder ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I have such friends. I try my best not to become that friend or family member. There is a time for everyone in my life. I don’t allow my relationship to affect my friendships.

    • That’s great that you have found balance because that’s what life is all about–balancing the people and activities you love.

  • Taylor Smith

    I’m so lucky that my husband makes me a better person, not a different person. We bring out what is the best in each other and help mold what isn’t so great. I love that about us.

    • That’s a beautiful relationship to have! Thank you for your comment, Taylor!

  • I’ve experienced this kind of “love” when I was in college. It was not healthy. I’ve learned my lesson and I called that relationship off. Now I’m with someone who doesn’t demand much of my time and I can spend quality time with my friends and family. My 16-yr-old self can really relate to this post. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I think everyone’s high-school self can relate to this in some way, but it’s interesting to see that people still do this today. Those types of love where they don’t want you to have family, friends, or passions isn’t healthy, which is why I wanted to write this post!

  • This is a great post! I lost myself in high school over a “love”. Looking back I can’t believe how naive I was.

    • Girl, don’t feel bad because we have all been there. I’m right there with you! We grew from it and now we know what’s best for us and our current relationships!

  • I love this post! It’s so important to not forget your friends and family in the process of dating someone new.

    xoxo, Jenny

    • Thank you so much, Jenny! Family and friends are always important to have in your life.

  • The guy I dated before I met Dustin really did a number on me and I definitely lost myself in that relationship. When I finally started dating Dustin, I was so surprised at how easy it was for me to still be my own person even though I was committed to a relationship! It’s been so important to our marriage that we each have our own individual hobbies and friends. We love spending time together, but we know that we can do our own thing and be our own selves!

    • Thank you so much for your comment, Chelsie! And I’m right there with you on losing myself for love at one point in my life. I didn’t see how healthy it was to forget about my friends, family and passions in my life. With Josh, it’s easy to have our loving relationship, but we also are individual people with passions, family and friends!

  • I hate that type of people who forget about friends when they start dating someone. I don’t think I could ever be like that. And it’s so important to not circle your entire life around your significant other. It’s important to stay independent. Great write-up! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Being independent is one of the key factors here. Some people are afraid to be independent, so they invest all their time, energy and happiness in one person.

  • These are really great reminders! Thanks for sharing!

    • You’re welcome! Thank you so much for your comment, Rachel!

  • I feel like there have been moments I got caught up and it shows me that’s not truly what I need to be in. It’s so important to have that balance I agree. I loved reading this, everything is so true to follow!!

    Corsica | kissesfromcarolina.com

    • Thank you so much, Corsica! (Lovely name by the way!) I couldn’t agree with you more about not getting so caught up in a relationship that you forget about everything else in your life.

  • I think this is always a tricky subject! Great thoughts!

  • Reinventing Julie

    I did when I was young and stupid. Alienated myself from everything. Now at 49, and two years married to the love of my life, I have found myself and remember that I am a better partner when I make myself a priority.

    • Yes! Making time for yourself is something that is overlook all the time in relationships, but it’s essential to having a happy, healthy relationship.

  • Ashley Stephenson

    My husband and I love spending time just me and him but we also love our nights with our families and our friends! We share the same group of friends so it is perfect!

    • Sometimes I love when Josh goes off with the guys and I can have time with my own friends as well. Having that separation is always healthy in a relationship as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Rachel | TheConfusedMillennial

    Great points! It’s so important that you remain a strong independent person, ultimately it’s what will keep the spark alive in your relationship!

    • Thank you so much, Rachel! I couldn’t agree with you more about being independent in a relationship.

  • Nicole C.

    Great post… Everything you said is so true. What is so special about each of us is our individuality and unique passions and talents, which should never be put aside for a S.O. Everything you discussed is important on its own, and even if there is no partner in the picture, these are all things that we should keep up with, and if no, reassess priorities. XO, Nicole // http://www.empirestyles.com

    • Thank you Nicole! I need the *preach hands* emoji right now because I love your comment! Even if you don’t have a partner in your life, balance is so important to make sure you’re seeing friends and family, pursuing your passions, and having time for yourself.

  • Tooting my own horn here: I have (thankfully) never done this. I’ve been in three major, long-term relationships in my life & have always made a conscious effort to NEVER burn bridges or betray other people and things in my life. And you know what? I’m so glad I did that, because eventually…all those relationships ended, and I was able to always have the safety net of my friends, family, hobbies, etc. Great points/post!

    http://www.allisonarnone.com

    • Thank you so much for your comment, Allison! And that’s amazing that you never had experienced this because regardless of what end you’re on…it’s not a fun situation to be in. We should always have balance in our lives with love, family, friends, work, hobbies, etc.

  • Valerie

    I love this post. Too many people just get so lost and caught up in relationships especially those that are in wrong relationships.

    • Exactly! Loving someone shouldn’t tear you away from your other relationships and passions!

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